I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
