can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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