Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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