Don't you send me to vm
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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