i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize