...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
