Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
