well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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