i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
