I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
