I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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