sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
