Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
