Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
