I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
