Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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