I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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