I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
