I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
