It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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