Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
