He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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