my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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