Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
