i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
