Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
