First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
