tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
