I think im going to throw up on grandma
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Houston, we have a squirter
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
