C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
