:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
