did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
do nipples grow back?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
