I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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