I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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