Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
