I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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