Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
