Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
