you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
