Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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