That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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