hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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