i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
