Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
