he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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