turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pants are for mortals
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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