scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
