Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drake has all the answers
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
