I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
