Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
